Advice to straight-identified photographers who are considering shooting same-sex marriages

When I started to read articles and conversations online about the topic of shooting same-sex weddings, I tried very hard to not write about it here. This is mainly because as a queer-identified person who has lived in Massachusetts through the marriage equality victory here, I have spent an exorbitant amount of my time consumed by it and hearing about it. And honestly, as much as I firmly believe that if anyone is able to take advantage of this institution, then everyone should be able to, I’m personally not all that excited by the idea of marriage in general. I tend to be more motivated by other issues like violence, discrimination in jobs and housing, bullying of LGBTQ youth, etc. But that’s me, and mostly an internal discussion to have within my community, which is not what I plan to get into here.

Yet this conversation seems to be all the rage lately on photography blogs and now in publications, with most of the discussion focused around whether wedding photographers (straight folks, assumedly) should shoot same-sex marriages, questioning if it’s good or bad for business, and how those who want to can “break into” this market. I actually avoided reading the article in the last issue of PDN for a while, because I just didn’t want to hear it any more, until I decided I can’t help but to write about my feelings on this. As a queer person, an activist, and a photographer, I have a lot to say.

So I’m going offering my opinions in the form of advice to straight-identified photographers who are considering shooting same-sex weddings. This is not directed at LGBTQ photographers, or our real true allies who have been through thick and thin with us for years, and who generally know who they are (and so do we).

1. If you have reservations about shooting same-sex weddings, then you probably shouldn’t bother. Not because it’s bad for your business, but because you’ll be bad at it, and because we don’t need you. There are many LGBTQ and ally photographers for the community to choose from, in most of the country. If you feel an ounce uncomfortable around us, or are worried what your possibly-homophobic clients will think, we will notice and we will not want you there. It’s really that simple.

However…

2. If you are afraid of getting hate mail and boycotted by homophobic clients from publicizing that you work with us, then perhaps you should actually try it just for the experience. Because then maybe you will gain a tiny bit of understanding of what it might be like to be a LGBTQ person. We are not impressed by anyone who does not stand up for us, no matter what part of the country you live in (realize that we are also from ALL parts of the country. We have learned to deal with where we live, and so should you, and not use location or proximity to religious fanatics as an excuse). I’ve read that some consider it a viable option to work with LGBTQ folks and then hide that fact from other clients, such as by excluding photos from same-sex weddings from one’s website or portfolio. Doing this isn’t a good idea OR good business practice if you want to continue shooting with our communities. Why not just admit up front “I will take your money, but I don’t have the guts to admit I worked with you”?

3. We are people, not markets. Being your client is not one of our priorities. Living our lives is. So stop referring to us as if we only exist as potential clients and a hot new market to break into and demystify. It’s alienating. And if you can’t for the life of you figure out why you’re advertising to gays and not booking any of our weddings, it’s probably because you’re only seeing dollar signs or some new way to appear “edgy”, and we can see right through that. It’s offensive, dehumanizing, and really annoying.

4. Don’t confuse social justice with business. The gay liberation movement started decades ago. Where were you? Social justice is a set of principles that guides individuals and groups to do what is right, because it’s what’s right. Justice is about correcting something that is due or owed, because someone has been unfairly wronged. It’s not a business. If you want to work with us out of the goodness of your heart and a sense of duty, then fight with us. Come to our marches and our events and make sure we are welcome in your communities, workplaces, religious institutions, and supported by local laws. Donate money. Call your legislators. Learn our history. Read our books and watch our films and look at our art, and do it with your kids. Business transactions are never social justice work, even if being a photographer really is your true love in life.

5. Nobody is jumping at the chance to give you an award for wanting us as clients. You’re not going to get clients by going in a magazine or on a blog and saying you want to broaden your business and include us (finally). Legal same-sex marriage is new to some states, and maybe you are now catching on because of this. But for decades there have been weddings and civil unions and commitment ceremonies in our communities, with hired photographers! Ceremonies are not new to us, only the legal benefits of marriage are. So when you finally catch on because what should have been legal all along, now is, you won’t find us jumping all over the place to hire you. Although you may be awarded some street cred from your hetero-urban-liberal-hipster clients, but keep in mind that in those cases you’re actually using us to market to them, and that’s not cool at all.

Basically, if you aren’t part of marriage equality (or any other struggle for LGBTQ rights) in your state, then you don’t really deserve to reap the benefits of it after the fact. Seriously. Do your homework and support the work we’re doing on all issues that affect us. We are the ones who decide who our own allies are, not you. Just saying you are doesn’t make you one, especially it it’s for the benefit of additional clients. Your actions will speak much louder than words.

Thanks for reading. If you want more info on how you can get involved with LGBTQ rights or issues, please contact me and I will be more than happy to point you in some directions.